watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize