I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize