Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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