So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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