She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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