Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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