omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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