hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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