the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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