Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize