So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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