My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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