i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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