There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize