i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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