I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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