even my farts smell like vagina
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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