Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize