Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize