I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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