Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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