I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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