So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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