i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
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WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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