The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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