I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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