a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize