Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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