Someone shit on the floor
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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