...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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