Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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