I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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