I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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