This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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