Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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