Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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