Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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