never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize