I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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