i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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