I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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