is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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