The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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