im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize