So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
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because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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