textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize