god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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