I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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