You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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