btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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